So we’ve all been there, that moment when a friendship dies, you can’t quite put your finger on it, but you remember the exact day, maybe it was a conversation that became filled with constant awkward silences, or the hesitation to schedule hangouts or invite them to parties or your annoyance with their incessant posting on social media, you feel bad for the way you feel; you do but you can’t help it.
About a year and a half ago, a good buddy of mine unfollowed me on Instagram. Was I surprised? no, I saw it coming, what my intuition had been screaming at me weeks prior, got confirmed at that point. I’ve heard people say, the social media unfollow is the modern-day version of IDFWU.
I don’t think it hurt me; it was challenging for me to process, but as with all situations I made peace with it and took it in my stride.
Now there may be a lot of reasons this friendship imploded, non I was privy too at the moment but looking back it was inevitable.
As you grow older, your views about what friendship means and its purpose will evolve.
You recognize that humans are fickle, life happens and circumstances occur that produces conflict,and drives a wedge between people.
You see people for who they are, it will make you more tolerant of their shortcomings but less desiring of their company.
You grasp that true lasting ‘’we die here’’ friendship is not just built on mutual shared interests and hobbies, but on reciprocal respect, trust and unwavering support.
You learn how to fight fair, you will understand the subtle art of balancing the need for space and intimacy, which is crucial for any relationship.
You understand why it is important to surround yourself with like-minded, emotionally healthy and confident individuals.
You understand that your social media followers are not always your friends.
You become selective, filtering friends into groups, some for fun, some for business and some for secrets.
You recognize the value in having a large network, but you also see sense in cultivating a close circle of companions. You learn to keep certain details to yourself; you understand that friendship and money don’t always mix well, you also learn that it’s not a good idea to live with your buddies, or date their exes.
You yearn for friends that expose you to new concepts, philosophies etc. Friends who can help you with career ambitions or business goals, take precedence over those, who just want to gossip about nothing serious all the time.
You care less about their opinions; you spend more time with one particular friend; you understand that friendships between the sexes work and can be very enriching.
You stop seeking for perfection in friendship, because you won’t find it, you become cognizant of the fact that you should be your own best friend; you learn that, what you get out of a friendship is not always what you put in; you become pragmatic; you demand the best from people, but expect less of them, nothing surprises you any longer.
You let people earn the right to be your companion; you let go of the ones that no longer serve you.
You understand that true friends celebrate your wins and commiserate when you lose, but don’t allow you stay down for too long, they want the best for you always, they listen, they criticize constructively and they love unconditionally.